Living Expectantly

Welcome all! It is both an honor and a privilege to be sharing with you what the Lord has been doing in my life in this season! He is certainly moving & teaching me lessons of His goodness, faithfulness & steadfast love, even in the midst of a serious health crisis, while facing a mountain that I could never be taking down in my own strength. In a season where my flesh may be failing… His love, power, goodness & faithfulness are WINNING. I choose to walk by faith & not by sight. I believe He is working behind the scenes to perform a miracle in my life & health, while teaching me a valuable lesson throughout this process.That lesson being a whole new, deeper level of trust & surrender to Him, even when the odds may be stacked against us or the world says it’s impossible achieve victory! If I told you I understood the depth of truly trusting & surrendering to Him/ His will prior to December… I’d be mistaken! PS I’m still learning everyday as I choose hope daily! 

It was in December, my health was beginning to decline at a very rapid, life threatening level due to over a decade misdiagnosis of Chronic Lyme Disease. (Huge problem thousands are facing throughout this country- more awareness to come into this current epidemic later on) My immune system is currently non existent, but we have a plan & are making strides daily 🙂 I am fighting 28 active infections, heavy metal toxicity, hormone/ neurotransmitter/ endocrine depletions & alarming systemic deficiencies that make even the most menial tasks of daily life very challenging. The extensive test results pretty much revealed that anything & everything my body should be producing, it isn’t (or is producing at a very minimal level!) It isn’t even producing amino acids… The natural building blocks for so many other daily, vital processes to be carried out. The past few months, I haven’t been able to eat even my safest dairy/ gluten/ sugar/ soy free “Lyme diet” foods. Sleep has been near impossible to attain due to the severe deficiencies within my body. 
BUT GOD HAS BEEN MOVING… There is ALWAYS hope in Him, no matter what mountain we are climbing! I am so blessed to be able to be consulting with doctors that are taking great care in addressing the severity of my condition piece by piece so as not to further stress my very compromised system.
***Side note about Chronic Lyme Disease: I can’t let this opportunity go by without shining a spotlight on the lack of adequate diagnosis/ treatment of this devastating illness. Unfortunately, with Chronic Lyme Disease, there is a drastic lack of knowledge on how to adequately diagnose & treat the late stage cases. It is very treatable & manageable early on so as not to cause major complications; however, when it reaches a systemic level of infection it wreaks absolute havoc on your organs & system as a whole on a cellular level causing organ shutdown. I am currently battling Advanced Stage III & there are only three stages of this disease. The only doctors who can currently truly help patients win this battle are not covered by insurance & are very costly. All praise be to God that one of these renowned doctors resides in Clearwater within a half hour of where I am living. I have met people from Canada, Maine, Louisiana, Tennessee, New York & California all while being treated in the IV room due to the lack of adequate care across the US. People will go anywhere to get their life back with this debilitating condition! Thousands are suffering alone through the darkness of this devastating condition unnecessarily because doctors haven’t adequately diagnosed them. In other cases, people may have finally been given a proper diagnosis after seeing an average of 10+ doctors but are unable to afford treatment as it is not yet covered by insurance. There are Lyme bills currently being sent to Congress to change this heart-wrenching epidemic that has stolen the vitality & independence of so many lives. 

In this season of weakness/stillness, I have experienced relationship with Him in more intimate ways and have heard His voice & where He is calling me to with true clarity and confidence. He is showing me deeper levels of His love by carrying me through the valley of a scary season of rapidly declining health. I’m learning these times which may seem hopeless in the world’s view… are, in fact, the GREATEST platforms for His light to shine, as we can’t point to anything or anyone but Him to make something out of nothing. His promises remain, no matter our circumstance. He can change anything & everything in a heartbeat. I am someone who likes to make a way and produce in my own strength, but that wasn’t an option for me in this season. I have been far too sick, weak and incapable. He was the only one who could provide & He is currently doing just that. He has provided every step of my journey to healing & I know He hasn’t taken me this far to stop now. By the grace of God alone & Him working through the hearts of beloved friends & family, I have been able to move forward into the first round of IV treatments. This will be the first of five projected rounds needed & I am believing Him fully to provide every step of the way. By getting deeper into His word, knowing more of His character & who He is and understanding to a greater degree His promises over my life, I am learning more & more each day to live expectantly & not defeated, a lie that far too many people with chronic illness or any chronic struggle for that matter, all too frequently believe! 

The more depth that I know of His love, the more expectant I find myself living! Fear of the unknown becomes best combatted when one truly knows the character, integrity and goodness of a God that is FOR us! These are simply empty words on a page unless we take time to truly know the integrity, character & goodness of the God we serve by being in His word! Knowing the wholeness I feel in His love & presence is a far greater power than any trauma or disease I could experience in this world. 
Since moving to Tampa, I have been stretched to get out of my own way and let Him truly lead in my life & He has shown His power in ways far beyond anything I could do in my own strength. That doesn’t mean it’s been easy, without significant trials/ tears or painless but I can have peace knowing I’m walking in His will over my life. 

Obedience brings blessings! He can do so much more in a moment of obedience than we can do in a lifetime of our own strength. Our God can be trusted & He is a good Father! 

I hope you enjoy the following excerpt, it speaks of His truth…

L I V E E X P E C T A N T – in whatever areas you are lacking in… Trust Him to guide you to greater! 
“Live a life that is expectant of my love, not one that recognizes it after the fact. Live a life that demonstrates that you know without any doubt that I am always about to do something extraordinary for you, my Beloved. Look for my surprises with every breath that you take, in every person you meet, in every aspect of your life. Know that I am here, know that I am your God, know that you are indeed the apple of my eye. Know that in my sight you are indeed “fearfully and wonderfully made”! Psalm 139:14

Living a life that is expectant is different than living a life with expectations. Our expectations are putting God in a box, telling Him exactly what we are expecting Him to do. We put limitations on His magnificence and ability to do exceedingly more than we could possibly expect. Isaiah 55:8-9 “My thoughts are completely different from yours,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” The One who created everything that exists today from our human bodies to the vast universes has a plan for our lives that is so incredible, so beyond our imaginations, if we will just trust Him to guide us. Psalm 37:23-24 The steps of the godly are directed by the LORD. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the LORD holds them by the hand. Did you catch that? Every detail of our lives…. Can you embrace the power of that in your life?
I am embracing that power. I am experiencing a freedom that I have not enjoyed at this level yet in my life. I am expecting my awesome Lord to surprise me each day as I keep my eyes on Him. Understand that is a requirement of walking in this level of joy. If I am not constantly watching Him, I will easily miss what He is doing in my life. If I become preoccupied with my life and not HIS life, I will totally miss the blessings He is pouring into my life. Remember the expression, “It is all in the details”? Well it really is. God is into the details of my life and through the details comes the grand plan that He has developed for me. I am eagerly awaiting the opportunity to let His power carry me through a season that is impossible without Him! How about you?
The people who achieve the seemingly impossible are the ones who keep believing despite the internal or external naysayers who claim it cannot be done.

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“About” Section

Welcome! Thank you so much for spending your precious time today visiting this page! I pray it blesses you to read it as much as it did for me to write it!

My Story: Over the last 13 years of my life since the age of 19, I have battled a chronic disease that has stolen a great deal of cherished things in my life including: careers, relationships and, oftentimes, my independence. Despite the pain, frustration & loneliness that I have endured through battling this disease I will continue to choose HOPE! Hope, not because of anything I can do in my own strength to better my situation or to pull myself out of the trenches but a hope that is not of this world…. A hope that is not circumstantial but comes through knowing the true character, goodness & faithfulness of Jesus Christ & knowing my whole, perfect identity in Him.

For fellow Lyme Warriors reading this, I know your hurt, pain & suffering but please know that you are so much MORE than your disease. I hope these blogs shine a light on your inherent worth as a child of God & challenge you to believe His promises over your life despite the mountain you are facing. He is greater! For those unfamiliar with Chronic Lyme Disease, this illness can very rapidly feel like a hopeless battle as treatment is not currently covered by health insurance in America, CLD is highly misdiagnosed & extremely costly out of pocket!

Where does one find hope in such seemingly defeating conditions? From above! By knowing that He that is in me is far greater than He who is in the world. That if Jesus is for me, nothing can stand against me. I have learned that in Him is solely where my hope lies! As I have drawn nearer to the Lord, trusted and surrendered this mountain to His promises & believed He would make a way where there was no way, He has blessed me in ways I couldn’t even fathom through. He has given me joy that doesn’t make sense with the current physical state my body is in (My body is not even able to produce serotonin). He has given me such a deep appreciation for the little things in life because of frequent seasons over the last 13 years of not being able to live them out. He has given me a deep level of compassion for His children that I would have never been able to have known had I not experienced such severe valleys in my own life. He has shown me how His perfect love can overwhelmingly comfort you, even when your world is upside down & nothing feels stable in your life. He is a good father despite whatever thorn in your flesh you may be facing right now. Trust Him to finish the work He has begun in you & to remove the thorn in His perfect timing. 13 years later, I am still believing God for a miracle in my health as I have reached a critical decline in recent months. I BELIEVE HE IS PUTTING TOGETHER THE PIECES AS I TYPE THIS!

I know He is able & greater! I want to share the good news in the victory and authority we have as His children that He will use ALL things (even a disease as awful and consuming as CLD) to work together for our good, if we just BELIEVE! Just as I know He is making a way for me for me right now… I stand in agreement with you that He is tearing down a mountain in your life too, whatever it may be…Let’s choose HOPE together!

“Have faith that God will restore you to a place of peace, He will bring hope in your circumstance and He will bring about change in your situation. God will put His Spirit in you and you will live. Just as God declared He would bring Israel out of bondage to Babylon, He will bring YOU out of the valley in your life and when He does You need to give all of the glory back to God! 

No matter how bad things may seem right now, no matter how dark it is in the valley or how dead your dreams… a power no less than that of God Himself can restore life. He can breathe His Spirit into any situation, He can cause a vast army to stand up, He can raise the dead to life. When you are in the Valley of the Dry Bones, know that absolutely nothing is impossible with God. Remember and meditate on Ezekiel 37:1-14 and have faith that even the Dry Bones live!”

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